合計  今日  昨日  現在名様ご来訪です。

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  • 2008/10/23 14:27
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俺 昨夜、日テレで『AKB48』が出ている番組があるので、グループ自体はファンでもなんでもないが、メンバーの小嶋陽菜(こじま・はるな)ちゃんがちょっと気になっていたので見てみた。すると、いや、すごいっすね、皆さん元気で…若いって、いいな、羨ましい。俺も来世ではかわいい女の子に生まれて短いスカート穿いて元気に跳ね回ってみたい。また男に生まれ変わるのは絶対にいやだ。いやぁ…絶句した。テンション高いし…。元気だ。俺はあんなに人生を楽しんできただろうか、いや楽しんでない。いつも何かに気後れして、遠慮し、自重しながら過ごしてきた気がする。思い切りはじけることなく生きてきた。バブルでみんな元気な頃は俺はもう既にこの状態に入っていて俗界から離れ独りブルーに過ごしていた。あの頃は若くて全然はじけて問題ない時だったのに、俺ときたらもう、世界が明日で終わるようなゆううつを煩い頭抱えていた。以後数回俗界に復帰して元気にしていた時期も少しあったがすぐまた無限うつループ思考に陥ってしまい結局未だに俗界に戻れない。なんでだ?なんでなんだ?俺はいったい自分に何を課しているのだろうか。何がそうさせているのだろうか…。結局小嶋陽菜ちゃんを見るつもりで自分自身のダークな面をクローズアップする羽目になってしまった。この緊張感のない体(写真・笑)ではあるが俺はいつも何かに追い立てられている。ダメだ…もう俺はダメだ…。

 すっかりエネルギーを吸い取られてしまってダウン。しばらく寝て、夕方になったので夕食を食べた。今日はおでん。美味いねぇ味がよぅく浸みている。やっぱり純粋な娯楽は「食べること」だなぁと感じた。俺はやはりこういう他人に頼らない「モノ」だとか「食い物」に喜びを感じなければいけないのだろうか。…厳しいなぁ。

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test
2011/08/31 23:59
終わりに寄せて。
2011/08/31 23:30
今日は診察
2011/08/31 23:05
調子が悪い2。
2011/08/30 23:29
調子が悪い
2011/08/29 23:55

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